He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have fence marks all over my body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
