I'm lost and stupid without you.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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