Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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