yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
