It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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