we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
