Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
