Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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