I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
