Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
