so that wasnt chicken after all
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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