You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize