you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
