It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
