Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize