If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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