i was born a porn star she said
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got so high we made milksteak
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
