that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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