remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i've created a new STD.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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