That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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