i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
