he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
