I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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