I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
