dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
