hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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