I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And then he peed in my hair
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