I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
