Only a mothe r could love this liver
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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