I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize