do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
