The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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