I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Randomize