If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
