so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
