brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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