Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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