i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize