Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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