he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
