We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
