She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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