this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize