we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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