Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
