I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
