People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
