how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
