Your face is a jimmy john
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
