Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
