He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
