It was confusing and full of hummus
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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