Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
