Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
