don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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