He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
