I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
