Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
