Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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