Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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