I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize