I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
