saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
