I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
People in love make me want to vomit
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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