so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
