i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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