i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
