I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
