My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
