I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize