Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
