some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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