he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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