ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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