im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
