I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
