But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
