we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
