I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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